Who Is More Normal: Humans or God?

The word “normal” can have positive, neutral, or negative connotations. For example, if you call your day “normal,” maybe you were pain-free for the first time all year, possibly nothing strange happened, or perhaps you were bored.

Well, to call humans or God “normal” might sound insulting. American kids learn in school that everybody is unique. In a medical or psychological sense, “normal” is an acceptable label. But in terms of peer pressure or intelligence or talent, normal may not be your favorite adjective. As for God, the Bible sings His praises so boldly that calling Him “normal” could sound blasphemous.

To answer the title question, juxtapose the common activities of man and God with their original or actual nature. If man is normal, then his thoughts, words, and deeds often or always match his nature. The same goes for God. In this sense, “normal” relates more to accurate versus inaccurate than positive versus negative.

What about Man?

Is he normal? Do his common practices and habits reflect his moral and physical nature? A non-Christian might say “yes”—we mess up occasionally, but most of our actions are morally sound. Further, as evolving creatures, our physical exercise, inventive minds, and modern society mimic our generally progressive status.

A Christian might also say “yes”—we are fallen and sinful people, in great need of God’s mercy; see Romans 5. Moreover, our efforts to fight disease, raise living standards, and end violence and bad governance are simply evidence of the Fall; see Genesis 3.

I agree with the latter points, but I think they fail to answer the question. I believe man is entirely abnormal. In the creation story of Genesis 1-2, God called His work “very good” after He created Adam and Eve. They had never sinned, there was no curse, and life and reality were as similar to heaven on earth as we ever knew.

No one knows how long the first man and woman followed God’s original plan for their lives—a day, a decade? But until that first transgression, they were not only innocent—they were normal. Their actions matched their nature, which was both moral and immortal. Through wickedness we became permanently abnormal. Death and danger threaten every soul—except those whom Jesus Christ glorifies in heaven following repentance and faith in Him.

What about God?

Is He normal? That is, does His conduct match His character? If normal means living out exactly who oneself is supposed to be, then God is the embodiment of normalcy! The Bible supports this in Numbers 23, 1 Samuel 15, Nehemiah 9, Isaiah 46, Malachi 3, Romans 11, and Hebrews 13. A favorite of mine is in James 1: “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.” Were He less than normal, the universe would be in chaos—if it would exist at all.

If I can avoid sounding blasphemous once more, God is so consistent with His nature—of which thankfully He has revealed so much in the Bible—that He is even predictable! Think about it…if you have a perfectly normal day, you can essentially forecast what will happen when you awake. If God always does what He says He will do, you can trust in everything He says all the time.

None of this is meant to demean God, only to glorify Him. He is so abnormal to our mindset that He is supremely normal. His power and sovereignty are so unpredictable to us that God exercises them in ways that are altogether predictable and awesome at the same time.

God’s perfect track record includes offering love, grace, mercy, and justice to all of His creation, particularly in sending Jesus Christ into this world as “the way, the truth, and the life” (John 14). Yet when the Son of God died on the cross and rose again on the third day—the least imaginable but most powerful event in history—Jesus also did something greater than extend salvation to all who believe in Him. John 17 cites Jesus and God, His “righteous Father,” as giving glory, one to the other…and that is the most normal thing the biblical Triune God ever does!

How Much Can We Know God? (Part 4)

I have tried in parts 1-3 to show we cannot really know God because of His infinite nature.  Mathematically, God would be less than infinite if we could really understand Him, not unlike the person who tries counting to infinity.  If he makes "progress," he is in fact not counting to infinity at all, and if we achieve knowledge about God, then it is not really God we are discovering.

But this is where the great surprise comes along -- God writes and controls the laws of mathematics, just like He authors unconditional love, perfect holiness, and total sovereignty!  And if the infinite God controls, and is in fact the source of, these infinite wonders, then He can transcend His own incomprehensible nature to allow us to see and hear and know and love Him.  Indeed, only an infinite power who is beyond understanding can create a portal, so to speak, by which finite creatures even have a chance to recognize His infinite nature.

By the way, just to differentiate between the infinity of God and of the numerical continuum, numbers have no power to reveal their infinite nature to us -- and have never done so.  They and their nature exist just because God lets and wills them to exist.  But God can and has bridged the gap of knowledge versus ignorance about Himself.

How can we know this?  The Bible offers many answers.  Recall my first post in this series.  Passages on the "knowledge of God" include the following:

~ Proverbs 2: "Search for [wisdom] as for hidden treasures; then you will understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God."  Now, I have long been trying to figure out what exactly "the fear of the the LORD" is, but suffice to say that gaining wisdom + fearing God = having knowledge of God.
~ Hosea 6: "I desire mercy and not sacrifice, and the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings."  Though we can never know God without His help, He does desire to be known!
~ Romans 11: "Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!  How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!"  This passage practically summarizes this entire four-part series.  He is so far beyond us, yet -- or maybe therefore -- knowing Him (through His grace, as other parts of Paul's writing amply demonstrates) benefits us beyond measure.
~ 2 Corinthians 10: "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ."  The world and the powers of darkness would not directly attack the knowledge of God unless it felt threatened by them, which happens anytime anyone pursues or acquires such knowledge.
~ And Colossians 1, which relates Paul's prayer "that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God."  These verses show that it is both possible and advisable to grow in our understanding of God.  They also go on to say that this happens through Jesus, "in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins."

What does this look like?  Consider how the Bible describes several of God's saints, or His interactions with them.  2 Chronicles 20 and James 2 call Abraham God's "friend."  In Exodus 33, God and Moses conversed "face to face, as a man speaks to his friend."  David was "a man after [God's] own heart," explains 1 Samuel 13 and Acts 13.  Jesus Himself calls His disciples "friends" in John 15.  And Romans 8 explains that whoever is led by the Spirit of God "are children of God, and if children, then heirs -- heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ." These designations are reserved for those who know God.  One cannot be a friend, a son, or an heir if he has no knowledge of the other party.

That is it: God is too great to be known at all; yet He has made Himself known to whomever repents of their sins and follows Him.  He has made the impossible possible through the improbable!  It is much like salvation in general.  While we were "still sinners" and "enemies," Romans 5 says, "Christ died for us" and "reconciled" us to God.  God bridged the infinite gap between His holiness and our sin, through the least likely path of all.

I do not know the entire answer to the title question.  But looking into the future via Revelation 3 provides an amazing glimpse: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock.  (Note God's initiative.)  If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.  To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne."

Now, that is knowledge!

How Much Can We Know God? (Part 3)

Man is finite, yes, and God is infinite.  But I think this logically means we cannot know God at all!  Allow me to explain.

Say I want to count to ∞ (infinity).  I count as fast as I can for three days straight: no food, water, or sleep, and I keep counting in the bathroom.  Maybe I get to 1 million, which would be about four cardinal numbers per second.  Not bad (but a waste of time, and no, I've never tried it).  But at 1 million, despite all my effort, I am not the tiniest fraction of the tiniest percentage closer to infinity than I was before all my hard work.  If I were, then infinity would not be infinity.  It simply would be a really big -- but knowable -- number!

Now, if I really want to achieve infinity, studying and counting as fast and often as I can (i.e., trying hard) is a great way to do it.  I might even use an advanced calculator that does not give up at 9.99 to the 10th power.  I will gain more knowledge about numbers, and my own counting will get larger and larger.  But I cannot get there.

So, too, with God -- and even more so.  He is infinite not only in time and space, but also in holiness, power, glory, love, and even knowledge...to name a few.  We can (and should) try our best to get to know Him, but mathematically, at least, we can never know Him one little bit.  If we could, then eventually we would be able to get to know Him two little bits, then three, then fifty, then -- if God did not destroy us first -- we could get to know Him completely.  In all these cases, He would be less than infinite.

Just like those in Genesis 11 who tried and failed to build a tower to heaven, somehow rivaling or surpassing God, nor can anybody else do better.  (By the way, God did not confuse their language and stop the building of the Tower of Babel because He feared them.  They never would have made it anyway!  He simply forced them to recall their humanity and humility, and upheld the glory of His name and presence in their midst.  "Do not be deceived," Galatians 6 affirms, "God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.  For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.")

The Bible frequently reveals God's awesome greatness (so inadequate a word!).  Genesis 1 and 45, Exodus 33 and 34, Deuteronomy 4 and 10, 1 Kings 8, Job 38-41, Psalm 8, 99, 103, 104, 121, and 139, Isaiah 40, 55, and 64, Ezekiel 1, Joel 2, Luke 2, 7, 9, and 24, John 1, 8, 11, 17, and 20, Romans 1, Colossians 1, and Revelation 4, 19, and 22.

These and other chapters of God's Word show us how vast and unapproachable God is -- unmatchable and unassailable.  He is called holy, loving, merciful, gracious, faithful, powerful, and so much more.  But we toss these words around so easily and so casually.  We have no idea what it is like to have any, let alone all, these traits perfectly.  Absolutely without flaw or hiccup or gap.  Ponder this example.

In English, what is a common way to describe another person whom we like or respect?  "He's a good guy."  Remember what Jesus said in Matthew 19: "No one is good but One, that is, God."  No one!  Maybe Jesus was echoing Psalm 14 (also quoted in Romans 3), "There is none who does good, no, not one."  Perhaps He recalled Isaiah 64: "But we are all like an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags; we all fade as a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away."

So, following the numerical infinity logic: a) God is [perfectly / infinitely] good; b) we are not good and do not do good -- because "good" by God's standard is so high; therefore c) we can (and should) try our best to be good, but all we will achieve is a bigger and bigger pile of rags.  In other words, we cannot really know what God's goodness is like because its very nature is utterly unique, just as infinity's nature precludes us from ever counting to it.  And supreme goodness is just one of God's unfathomable characteristics!

Ok, are you ready for the final surprise?  I pray this will be a grand finale well worth the wait...

How Much Can We Know God? (Part 2)

Okay, so it is 2 a.m. again -- oh well!  As a good friend of mine once said, I will aim to "exhaust the subject, not the reader."

Knowing God.  Very possible, because of how available God has made Himself to humankind -- such as via creation, salvation, and ultimately, glorification with Him forever.  But whether here on earth, or in heaven, do you ever ponder how much, quantitatively, we can ever know God?

Take your spouse, your sibling, your child, your parent, your your best friend.  What percentage (for lack of a better abstract quantitative concept) of their beliefs, dreams, feelings, personalities, skills, and schedules do you think you know?  Fifty percent sounds pretty good.  Maybe more, maybe less?

Let's try a quick test.  Whether you last saw that person a minute ago or a month ago, where is he or she this instant, what are they doing, and how is their day going?  How many times today, and at what intensity, have they prayed or reminisced about anything great or terrible in their past?  Maybe you know their biggest fears, sins, talents, and hopes: but do you know the last five times each of those things permeated their minds?  Are you aware of the minute they woke up today, the last time they coughed, where they were when they last ran out of breath, when they plan on their next physical activity and what tiny goals they may have about it, which book they want to read next, or the most recent time they felt 100% secure in a close relationship -- possibly even yours?

Ok, I assume your imagined percentage has shrunk...perhaps to five or ten percent?  Still, what you know of that person is likely far greater than what most other people know about them, right?  So how well we know another person reflects how close we are with them.  This goes for how much we know God as well.

Side note: Many of us think we know certain people well even if we are distant or estranged from them.  We tend to think that because he or she is "that way" (a claim to knowledge), we want little to do with them.  For the sake of argument, I will say we may know certain things about that person, but if the relationship has long been damaged or broken, our knowledge may be less than we think...and far less than the five or ten percent mentioned above.

Onward, then, to how much we can know God.

The math may seem pretty simple in one of two ways.  First, we might assume we know a certain percentage of the Bible, as well as a certain amount of any other history and philosophy we can learn about God.  These numbers would be difficult to pinpoint.  But since Earth physically holds a limited, albeit fluctuating, amount of information about God, a theoretical percentage of knowledge of all that material is possible.  Thus, we might conclude that if we can know our best friend at ten percent, maybe we can know God at one percent.

The second formula is simpler: man is finite; God is infinite; therefore our knowledge of Him is infinitely small.  This is much closer to what I think.  Indeed, I may even have thought it prior to my bathroom inspiration two weeks ago.  But now I believe a third, more glorious, option exists as well...

A Message from George Washington

I have quoted America's first president in many of my articles over the years.  I most often cite one particular statement -- one of my favorites from the era of our Founding Fathers.

Wise Founding Father

Before I repeat it here, I want to ask what you think is George Washington's greatest legacy for America.  Is it his victory in battle over the British and others during his superb military career?  Is it his legendary aversion to bullets, flying through is jacket but not him?  Is it his prayers and ability to retain vague order and morale at Valley Forge among his rag-tag army?  Is it his ascendancy to being the first president of the United States -- twice?  Is it his amazing choice to step down from power and popularity after two terms -- setting a standard that remains with us today, albeit in codified form?  Or is it perhaps his marriage to Martha Washington along with their beautiful mansion at Mount Vernon?  Or is it enough that his name appears on schools and cities all over the country, and his face on so much of our currency, like Caesar of old?

For the record, the evidence of Washington's faith in the holy, gracious, merciful, and almighty biblical Trinity is what I consider to be his greatest legacy -- both for himself and for his country.  But I digress.

Ok, now for the quote.  This is how General Washington replied when the Continental Congress offered him near-dictatorial powers around the end of America's War for Independence, in 1783:

"Instead of thinking myself freed from all civil obligations by this mark of their confidence, I shall constantly bear in mind that as the sword was the last resort for the preservation of our liberties, so it ought to be the first thing laid aside when those liberties are firmly established."

How can we describe this?  Wise -- knowing his potential as a human being to destroy a good thing through personal ambition.  Humble -- not believing himself to be the epitome of the American experiment.  Merciful -- seeking to establish liberty through means that themselves bolster an attitude of freedom.  Faithful -- telling the world that the American people, and / or God Himself, is the source of hope for America's future. Noble and courageous and dutiful also come to mind.

I love the tone this set for his later life (such as stepping down from the presidency).  Matthew 25 says those who are faithful over a few things will receive greater responsibilities in the future.  Good leaders are wary of their own success and of the faith others have in their success.

But tonight, while checking the very pregnant cows and heifers in the corrals on my dad's ranch under a pure, starry sky, I thought of something more personal regarding Washington's principled words...

Going a Step Further

Imagine you are butting heads with somebody close to you -- like a spouse, sibling, or colleague.  You want it to end peacefully and soon, but everything you say seems to keep the conflict alive or even make it worse.  We may call such words Washington's "sword."

What would happen if you put away your sword as early as possible in the conflict (I'm intentionally avoiding the question the validity of the argument in the first place)?  If you merely drew the sword "as a last resort for the preservation of our liberties [or we may say relational harmony]," then indeed "it ought to be the first thing laid aside" when even a ray of hope appears on the horizon.

I do not mean ignoring the issue or the person.  I also do not mean abandoning truth or godly conviction just to appease.  I do mean going all out for the relationship, even if you "lose" the fight, forgive, or apologize.  To do this you need godly traits like mercy or grace or humility.  In fact, lots of biblical passages may apply here:

-Matthew 26: "All who take the sword will perish by the sword."

-Mark 12: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

-Luke 6: "Just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them."

Or, more directly: "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness." (Proverbs 15)

James 3 clinches the deal for us.  It tells us why Washington could place peacemaking above mere conquest, and why the tactics for the latter should be taken up last and put down first as much as possible:

"Every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea,

is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue.

It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father,

and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God.

Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing.

My brethren, these things ought not to be so...

For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield,

full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.

Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."

Why do I share this right now -- besides the inspiration that night skies and hundreds of cows' butts provide?  Because I have recalled these things far too little this week.  And I expect I will need to remember them just as much tomorrow and beyond as well!

How Much Can We Know God? (Part 1)

In which room of your house do you do the most philosophizing?  Where do reality and abstraction connect; where do mind and heart unite?  For me, the answer has been pretty simple for a long time: The Bathroom!

So I was in the shower this afternoon when a long and winding rabbit trail hopped into my thoughts.  Oh, it is still hopping -- as in, this post will help me begin the chase, but I think the answers are far beyond my ability.

So in my best imitation of the late Fred Rogers, from Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood: Want to come along?

Knowledge.

Merriam-Webster's first three definitions of "knowledge" -- "the fact or condition of knowing something with familiarity gained through experience or association"; "the fact or condition of being aware of something"; "the circumstance or condition of apprehending truth or fact through reasoning."

If we have knowledge about something, we communicate about it with some level of authority, or some level of credentials.  If a star baseball pitcher tells you about curve balls, you accept his comments intuitively, since he probably knows what he is talking about.  If he tells you about the "Mona Lisa," you may want to ask him how he learned about art.  Maybe he has a degree in Renaissance painting -- then your respect and attention persist.  Perhaps he thinks Leonardo da Vinci's masterpiece is a mountain in Qatar -- then your feet take you away quickly and quietly!

This goes for knowing someone, too.  If I tell you something about my precious two-year-old son, you might politely listen and believe what I am saying.  If you did not, I might reasonably take offense.  But if you, dear reader, and I have not yet had the pleasure of meeting, and if I am in no official or casual position to have any information about your family, and yet I try to inform you about them, I might offend you.  I essentially would be babbling and it would not be worth your time to listen.

Humans are terribly good at gossip and / or discussing useless details.  But when a communicator -- whether through verbal, written, or artistic means -- broadens the knowledge of at least one member of his audience, then that member can gain some real understanding of both me and my subject matter.  Conversely, whoever or whatever I am discussing intelligently is something I know, or about which I have knowledge.

Street-level English usage weakens the power of the concept of knowledge or knowing.  "Do you know so-and-so?"  "Yes.  I met him once a few years ago."  The correct answer should be, "No.  But I met him once a few years ago."  The difference is subtle, but significant.  You know the people and things you try to know.  You do not know the people or things you do not try to know.

Recall the definitions above: knowledge comes "through experience or association" and by "apprehending truth or fact through reasoning."  In each case, mental and / or physical effort is required on the part of the person who is seeking knowledge.  Of course, the person or thing to be known has to be at least partially accessible, too.

Fine.  How about the "knowledge of God"?  God, even in a non-Christian sense, is a higher power, correct?   Thus to know Him must take some effort on our part, along with some kind of permission and / or enabling on His part.  Romans 5 calls it "access."  The New King James Version of the Bible notes the "knowledge of God" three times in the Old Testament and five in the New Testament.  Also, the phrase "know God" occurs twice in the O.T. and five times in the N.T.  Each time, knowing God is portrayed as good, not knowing Him is shown as bad.

So how can we know God?  Beyond the foundation of faithful prayer and Bible study, many passages and other writings address this topic.  My main focus is on a different question: how much can we know God?  This was where my mind got rolling in the shower this morning.  This is where the word games really begin.  This may be where an extra glimpse of God's majesty can be pondered.  This is where I will resume next time, hopefully when it is not 2 a.m.!

Hypocrisy 101

Well, my old nature has been at it again!  It is so fitting that Paul writes Romans 7 about the nature of the law and his humble human struggle against it -- even (or especially) as Christians:

                    "For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I
                    practice...I delight in the law of God according to the inward man.  But I see
                    another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing
                    me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.  O wretched man
                    that I am!  Who will deliver me from this body of death?"

Isn't Paul one of the great writers of the New Testament?  Isn't Paul one of the grand theologians of all time?  We are supposed to listen to him?  Does he not sound a little, you know, off?

I would say yes and no to all of these questions.  Humanly speaking, I'd say yes to each question.  But when we recall that God really inspired Paul to write these words (about Paul and other sinful human beings, which of course means all of us except Jesus Christ), then I would say no to each question.  Perhaps Paul even tries to show us God's perspective -- how silly and confused we humans can be.  As to the last question, I do not know about you, but Paul's self-description fits me perfectly.  It fits me so well that it goes beyond my nature as a sinner.  "The good that I will to do," even outside of moral issues, "I do not do."

Let's just review today.

I set my alarm for 7:30.  I always wake up to my alarm the first time, because I hate hearing that loud BEEP, BEEP, BEEP any longer than necessary.  Snooze is NOT my friend.  Well, today I went right back to sleep.  I re-woke up at 7:39.  That would have been okay -- as I never sleep enough (I'm groggy-eyed right now!) and I probably needed it -- but today I needed those nine minutes to stay on schedule.

Then I went downstairs and tried very hard to get ready, warm up the truck, load up the truck, and leave by 8:30 or 8:45.  If you are guessing that I left nine minutes late, you would be close -- it was 11 minutes.  I had no good reason for this.  I just tried hard for a certain time and failed.  "The good that I will to do..."  When I climbed into my truck and saw the time, I got upset...for 20 minutes!

Meanwhile, an excellent lecture series I am enjoying on concert music from antiquity though World War I sat quietly in my truck's tape deck.  Worse, I was fasting and, theoretically, focusing on God.  (Please see Isaiah 58.)  Eventually, my disgruntled attitude did evolve into positive prayer, but for awhile the game was Romans 7: "The evil I will not to do, that I practice."

I wanted to stick to my original plan, squeezing in as much as I could before my 10 a.m. appointment.  Doing so would make the middle part of the day much easier.  But I finally wrestled myself into showing up on time, which actually made me feel like a responsible and honorable person!  Of course, this is ironic since being on time is what any respectable person would do.

Then I got slightly upset at how far one of my errands was.  Why this should matter, when God has given me so much, as this very errand proved (piano shopping), is ridiculous.  Again Romans 7: "I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin."

(By the way, I did not buy a piano today.  I need to sell my old upright first.  I'd like to buy a slightly smaller, slightly newer, and slightly better one.  As far as pianos go, $1,000-$2,000 is my price range.  Ten or twenty times that is my dream range!)

Next I did okay.  I did something nice for my beautiful bride.  I got something out of storage she would want rather than something I would want.

Oh, but then came the phone call!  My wife was so cheerful on the other end of the line.  Then I took offense at something small, and wanted her to know about it.  That phone call, and the next one, and the next one all ended with me adding to my sins of the day, mostly in my head and heart: "O wretched man that I am!  Who will deliver me from this body of death?"

Later in the day we were good friends again.  Sadly, she seems to have an ear infection, her first in 15 years!  Why do I only now, hours later, think to pray for her?  (Do you think Paul sighed as he penned Romans 7?)

Then I worked more than I preferred to while I was on shift with my precious toddler son, then I e-mailed rather worked, then I shopped online rather than worked, and now -- yes, I am finally working -- it is 1 a.m.!  "The good that I will to do, I do not do."

Oh, how happy and humbled I am that Paul went on to write Romans 8 -- one of my favorite passages in all the Bible!  Two short verses after his dark "wretched man that I am!" comes a mountaintop of biblical ecstasy:

                    "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ
                    Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the
                    Spirit.  For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me
                    free from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do in
                    that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son
                    in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in
                    the flesh, that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in
                    us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit
                    ...As many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God."

Amen!

Return to Montana

Well, God has brought my little family and me back to my favorite state in the Union. In fact, He has brought us back to the Union, period! After four years in Doha, Qatar, I am back in the small town where I graduated high school.

Big Timber, Montana, is hardly big in geography (around one square mile) or population (around 1600). Yet God is big here (like in Doha) and some folks with big hearts live here (like in Doha). Actually, I have only ever lived in the City of Big Timber for one year, when I was six years old. But my family’s ranch is 21 miles away, and my mailing address was Big Timber for most of my pre-married life.

Locals call it “town.” It is the largest metropolis for 30 miles in each direction. The Yellowstone River flows just north of town. The majestic Crazy Mountains lie 15-plus miles beyond it, rising more than 7,000 feet above Big Timber, which sits around 4,000 feet above sea level. A dozen or more churches and shops, four-plus banks, restaurants, hotels, bars, auto shops, and gas stations, two or three coffee shops, salons, government buildings, and insurance agencies, a grade school, high school, library, hardware store, grocery store, city park, drug store, movie theater, museum, clinic, post office, and a nearby mine, zero traffic signals, police officers (just sheriff’s deputies), Wal Marts, or McDonald’s, and hundreds of farmers and ranchers, sustain much of Big Timber’s needs, economy, and culture.

I am thrilled to be close to family, friends, and places that I love once again. God gave us a solid church and capital friends in Qatar, but no family beyond my wife and son. Qatar has only a few interesting places as it is a very hot, flat, tiny state. Also, our precious son was born in Doha, our marriage grew stronger, and we earned enough money to buy our “Big Timber Villa.”

I’ll close with a list of sights and experiences from my first 15 days in Montana that I never once witnessed or did in Qatar. The list is meant to be thanks to God for what we had in Qatar, and for what we have here.

-mountains, big hills

-rivers, creeks

-forests, meadows

-snow, ice

-temperatures below freezing, below zero, and even below minus 30!

-cows, trains

-an hour or more of driving and feeling safe and sane

-an hour or more driving without speed cameras or being flashed from behind

-at least two hours of driving with no roundabouts, major road construction, or $100,000 cars

-not using a pin for a credit card purchase

-seeing occupied buildings more than 50 years old

-buying alcohol from a store, buying gasoline (not “petrol”) for more than $1 a gallon

-cutting my family’s own (real) Christmas tree

-clear skies—day and night—very little or no dust in the air

-my brothers and their families, some childhood friends, my childhood church

-no mosques or calls to prayer (many are beautiful) and no Muslims (many are my friends)

-very helpful and trustworthy medical personnel, yet very unhelpful and expensive Obamacare

-a week without using air conditioning in house or car, while using heat in house and car daily

-paying lots more bills

-private guns—not just military or police—and pouring gasoline on fire for fun

-driving tractors, using lots of tools

-plowing snow, shoveling snow

-operating chain saw, table saw

-using a library, a dryer, my dad’s hot tub

-dialing 7, 10, or 11 digits for phone calls, not 8 or 13 digits

-reading signs and menus in only one language

-driving three different pickups in one day

-imagining that I understand the culture pretty well

-feeling free to express myself and my beliefs

-a week without thinking about Middle Eastern issues

All this said—and the list could go on—I must never forget what I learned and saw, and whom I met in the Middle East. My prayers and efforts for lost and needy people over there should never cease. Oh God, may it be so! And may I someday return again—if You might consider me more worthy to love and serve You than in these past years. Forgive my frequent laziness, selfishness, and shame. May I do better here and now, and wherever You take me next.

I guess now I ought to write a list of things I would see in Qatar—and not Montana—in 15 days!

On Husbands: Joseph (Part 2)

The Holy Scriptures speak little to Joseph's actual marriage and husbanding directly.  But several verses give clues about the happiness and respect he most likely offered his bride Asenath.

Respect Follows "I Do"

First, Genesis states three times that Joseph's superiors -- Potiphar and the jailer in Genesis 39, and Pharaoh in Genesis 41 -- trusted him so much that they never even reviewed his efforts.  They gave him jobs knowing he would do them well.  Only with respect to their own position did they outrank him.  They essentially made him their equal.

This of course signifies great respect, and with what we know of Joseph, we may assume he gave others the same respect that God and men gave him.  This would include his bride.

Do you ever spy on your wife?  A harsh word indeed.  But think about it.  If she does things differently from you, do you rebuke her or trust her?  Do you notice when she leaves her fork by the couch, or do you wash it without reservation?  Do you complain that she never checks the oil or do recall gratefully that she picks up the kids every day?  Do you bitterly judge her harsh word against her friend or do you wait for those tender, almost childlike times when she asks if you think she went too far?

To put it simply, do you micromanage her life even though you hate it when she micromanages yours?  Also, do you think you do the little things right all the time, or do you ponder how much of a knothead you can be?  We may hope that Joseph worked hard as a husband, and that he trusted God and respected his wife to do the same.  Once again, as I write this I am convicted that I am my own special audience.

Faith Begets Respect

Second, the name of Joseph's bride appears only three times in Scripture -- twice in Genesis 41, and once in Genesis 46.  Each time, Asenath is identified as "the daughter of Poti-Pherah priest of On."  Scholars differ in their understanding of these verses.  A few say Joseph wooed Asenath.  Others say her father's temple could have performed human sacrifices.  Some state that her father may have been non-Egyptian and he might have heard about Joseph's God.  Regardless, the culture, religion, and even language of Asenath and Joseph likely varied greatly.  Any husband or wife will tell you this can make things difficult.

Yet whether Joseph liked Pharaoh's choice or not, he remained loyal to his wife.  As the number two man in Egypt, Joseph could have invited many other women to his bed, including someone from an upbringing more akin to his own.  But the Bible names Joseph's children multiple times as being the ones Asenath bore him -- no other children are identified.

Joseph did not hide his faith from anyone above him, below him, or equal to him.  We see him time and again explaining to people the handiwork of God, even when they probably disbelieved him at first.  As the child of a priest, Asenath must have been a prime target of Joseph's wise, but bold, evangelism.  God later prohibited interfaith marriages, so it is fascinating that Joseph united himself to a woman who probably worshiped pagan gods.  His faith in God again seemed to be his ruling precept -- along with his decision to respect his bride no matter who she was.

Finally, Joseph knew he was part of God's promise to his father and great-grandfather to form a great nation from their descendants.  He believed his descendants were also included in the promise (see Genesis 50 and Hebrews 11).  Yet he did not seem to care that his children were only half Hebrew, or if it did bother him, he refused to let it harm his faith or family.  Joseph trusted God and respected his wife enough to let her partake in God's covenant with his family.  Maybe this followed a spiritual conversion on her part -- maybe not.

Take Away

Take 1: "God has made me forget all my toil."  Take 2: "God has caused me to be fruitful."

Joseph spoke these words after God gave him and Asenath their two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim.  While he could have spoken such words while resenting or disrespecting his wife, it would not have fit with the rest of what we know about him.  Joseph proclaimed these things within the first seven years of his marriage, and how respected those statements -- and even more the lifestyle behind them -- must have made Asenath feel!  I have been married almost six years.  Can I say those words?  Can I live them?  Can you?

Take 3: "You meant evil against me; but God meant it for good...do not be afraid; I will provide for you."

After their father died, Joseph's brothers feared he would take revenge on them.  But he retained his integrity and offered them more than forgiveness.  His faith all but forced him to respect them.  He saw bitterness as a temptation of darkness and an opportunity to give control and glory to God.  We can imagine Joseph treating his wife the same way.

The word "love" appears nowhere in Joseph's story.  But that he loved his family is quite obvious.  Likewise, Joseph's respect for his bride -- in purity, in trust, in acceptance, and in praise -- seems clear.  And in all this he depended solely on God, who rewarded him greatly.  His final words, stated twice, were "God will surely visit you."  He died trusting God and sharing Him with his family -- just what a devoted husband should do.

On Husbands: Joseph (Part 1)

Ever since Adam and Eve, we humans have excelled at blaming circumstances or other people for our sins -- no matter the facts or consequences.  When we fall upon hard times (as interpreted by one's own heart), we sometimes justify our iniquity by imagining we would have done better in better situations.  A poor man might steal.  A lonely spouse might cheat.  A disgruntled employee might envy.  A slave might kill.  An abuse victim might abuse.

Yet in the Bible and in real life, people commit all these crimes and more even in the best of times.  Saul was not abused.  Cain was no slave.  The Pharisees were powerful.  David had a great marriage.  Zacchaeus was rich.  Moral of the story: "There is none righteous, no, not one." (Romans 3)

If the above is true, then in a culture that often excuses the wrongdoing of the apparently disadvantaged, here is a great irony.  When popular or powerful persons -- against whom the cards do not seem to be stacked -- admit and apologize for their mistakes publicly, forgiveness and near restoration quickly follows.  So we seek to excuse those whom Ebenezer Scrooge would have called "the surplus population," while we elevate social idols when they sound contrite for two minutes on prime time.  Either way, their sin is minimized or forgotten, as are any and all victims of their sin.

Genesis 37-50 tells of a true hero, one who defies much of today's pop culture that harms as many people as it excuses.  He made such good decisions that some people might mistake him for being weak or stupid.  But his faith and choices ultimately made him one of the best-loved and most powerful men in the Old Testament.  Moreover, as a godly husband, he respected his wife long before he ever knew her -- and long after as well.

Ugly Duckling

Joseph started out as a good guy, and his parents loved him a lot.  But when he began telling his family about his strange dreams, and when his father gave him alone -- of 12 sons -- a special gift, then his brothers began to hate him.  They kidnapped him and sold him into slavery in Egypt.

Now, most of you probably have little or no personal history with slavery.  Neither do I.  But I imagine some slaves have rotten attitudes about their predicament and seek to improve it via immoral or illegal means.  For some, this might involve attempts to kill or escape from their master.  For others, it might mean pursuing illicit sex.  For many it may include giving up on God.

In Genesis 39, Joseph could have done all these things.  But he did none of them.  Fundamentally, he refused to forsake God, so he also rejected moral and legal catastrophe: Joseph excelled in his master's eyes, and he turned down a prime opportunity to sleep with his master's seductive wife.  Unfortunately, running away from his master's wife got him thrown in prison, as she screamed and lied to her husband about Joseph.

But if an imprisoned slave has more excuse to forget his principles than a "free" slave, Joseph still made good choices.  This time, he impressed the jailer, who "committed to Joseph's hand all the prisoners" and who "did not look into anything that was under Joseph's authority, because the LORD was with him."  And after a few years, as well as a few dreams and miracles from God, the pharaoh of Egypt freed Joseph, named him prime minister, and gave him a bride!

Later, in God's further providence, Joseph reconciled with his brothers and brought his entire family to Egypt during a severe famine.  Their descendants remained in Egypt for a few centuries until a fellow named Moses came along...

Respect Precedes "I Do"

Joseph's famous story of running away from Potiphar's wife is a model of premarital purity.  But staying pure until marriage -- in addition to helping keep disease, jealousy, regret, envy, adultery, and even divorce out of your home -- fosters habits of purity within marriage, offers a great gift to your spouse, improves marital sex, and ultimately shows great respect to your bride.  Here's how.

Joseph strongly rejected Potiphar's wife's pleas for intimacy -- not just once or twice, but over the course of several days.  "How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?" he asked her.  Afterward, he kept his distance from her.  Only later, when she trapped him, did he have to flee her presence.  His decision had already been made, and his fear of God won the day.

Joseph's war on sin mimics that of Charlotte Bronte's "Jane Eyre."  She also resisted easy sex, and saved the story.  But it was tough: "Laws and principles are not for the times when there is no temptation.  They are for such moments as this, when body and soul rise in mutiny against their rigor.  Stringent are they, inviolate they shall be.  If at my individual convenience I might break them, what would be their worth?...Physically, I felt at the moment powerless as stubble, exposed to the draft and glow of a furnace.  Mentally, I still possessed my soul, and with it, the certainty of ultimate safety."

Fighting hard against temptation shows as much respect for another person as fighting hard in a war conveys respect for your country.  Joseph even sought to guide Potiphar's wife in the right path -- but then he quickly left the situation.  Joseph's future bride probably had little reason to question his devotion to her.  Moreover, God Himself knew He could trust Joseph with bigger things, so out of respect for Joseph's faith, He boosted Joseph's responsibilities in due time (see also Matthew 25).

Now there's a thought.  When we remain pure we honor our wife.  When we fight temptation we respect our wife.  And when we are faithful to God in these ways, we win His respect -- which doubles as a great honor.  This should only create more respect from us toward our wives...in a beautiful uphill spiral!

On Husbands: Isaac (Part 4)

Here's a typical Hollywood love story: Guy and girl meet, fall in love, run into a problem, restore relationship, live happily ever after.  I have been tracking Isaac and Rebekah under a Disney theme.  But they run into two problems, not just one.

After waiting 20 years for children, their twin boys grew up and clashed with each other.  And for Rebekah's big life mistake, in what "Bernard Walton" in Adventures in Odyssey calls "one of the worst acts of treachery and cheating in the Bible," she used her favorite son, Jacob, to deceive her other son and her husband.

Second Roadblock

As an old man, Isaac sought to give his elder son Esau the best blessing he could before he died.  According to custom, only one son could receive such a blessing, and it could not be revoked.  When Rebekah learned about it, she convinced Jacob to disguise himself as Esau so that Isaac, who was nearly blind by then, would bless him instead.

Their conspiracy worked!  But when Esau discovered it, just a few moments too late, he flew into a rage and vowed to kill his brother after their father passed away.  We do not know if Isaac and Esau ever ascertained Rebekah's role in the plot, which is recorded in Genesis 27.  Yet we see no change in Isaac's respect toward his bride, even after she deceived him.  Consider her request at the end of chapter 27 and Isaac's reply at the beginning of chapter 28.

Rebekah wanted to prevent Esau from killing Jacob, so she asked her husband to send Jacob to live with her brother's family far away.  She told Isaac that because their neighbors had a different culture and / or religion, she wanted Jacob to find a wife among her relatives.

Did Isaac appreciate or resent her request?  Did he want Jacob to marry from among his own relatives?  Did he need Jacob's help with his property or possessions?  Did he want Jacob nearby during his last years?  Did he fear for Jacob's spiritual growth far from home?  Did he fear for Jacob's physical safety?  Did he know of Rebekah's trickery?  Did he argue with Rebekah over the matter?  Did he feel compelled to grant her desire? Did he doubt Rebekah's claim decades earlier, when she was pregnant, that God had told her "the older shall serve the younger"?

Happily Ever After

Genesis answers none of these questions.  A "yes" answer to any of them could have embittered Isaac to his wife.  A "yes" to all of them could have ended a lesser marriage.  And importantly, any "yes" might have been perfectly justifiable for any spouse to offer.  But if Isaac wrestled with these or other questions, his answer to his wife's wishes was one of respect.

First, he listened...again.  Twenty years into their marriage, Isaac listened to his wife's pleas for children.  And probably 40 years later (see the end of Genesis 26), he was still listening.  Can you pay attention to someone for 60 years without respecting them?  We men might congratulate ourselves for heeding our wives' needs for 60 minutes!

Second, Isaac went all out in fulfilling his bride's request.  Note that we still do not actually know if he agreed with her.  But in giving her what he wanted, he did not hold back or second guess.  Genesis 28 states that he instructed Jacob to do exactly as Rebekah had asked.  Then he went the extra mile in re-blessing Jacob.  He resolved to remind his son about God once more, while likely re-strengthened himself in God, too (see Psalm 131).  As a man, do you feel respected -- as well as appreciated and trusted -- when a coworker does extra work for you with a cheerful attitude?  Your wife likely feels the same when you exceed her expectations.  At the very least, recall how many extra miles God has tread on our behalf, such as in Romans 5?

Third, Rebekah's last recorded words were those of her petition to her husband.  Although she died later, we men would do well to ponder that every chance we get to respect our wives could be our last.  Shall our final effort be negative and halfhearted (free tip: those words are synonymous)?  Or shall we imitate Isaac?  Better still, Romans 8 shows the Trinity pursuing us dramatically all our days.  Let us imitate Him!

On Husbands: Isaac (Part 3)

Scripture says Isaac misled his family twice.  First, he played favorites with his two sons, loving the older boy more than the younger.  Rebekah made the same mistake, although the younger stole her heart.  Whether this was accidental or intentional, and whether father or mother picked their favorite first, we may say that Isaac's bad example failed to help his wife out of her equally bad choice.  Note how "God shows no partiality. But in every nation whoever fears Him and works righteousness is accepted by Him." (Acts 10)

Husbands' good or bad decisions may point their wives toward or away from God, respectively.  And again, while Scripture commands wives, not husbands, to respect their spouse, a respected wife will get many more reminders and examples of being respectful in return.  More importantly, by fulfilling God's commands to love our wives, and by going the extra mile of respecting them, we men can help our brides live obedient lives that please the Lord.

Too Much for Disney

Isaac's second sin that endangered his family was when a famine forced him to move to a foreign land, where he said his bride was his sister in Genesis 26.  His faithless lie mimicked his father's lies in Genesis 12 and 20, and, just as in Abraham's two cases, the local king confronted Isaac about it.  Yet other than advising against such a wrong and unwise path, Isaac's mistake is not central to our study.

The key verse in Genesis 26 shows that, even after at least 20 years of marriage (based on the apparent flow of time between chapters 25 and 26), Isaac offered his romance only, and intimately, to Rebekah.  Isaac was "showing endearment to Rebekah his wife," according to the New King James Version.  Other versions state that he was "sporting with" her, "caressing" her, "laughing with" her, or "fondling" her.  Whatever Isaac's exact display of affection to Rebekah, the king saw them together and declared, "Quite obviously she is your wife."

We see three lessons from this humorous conundrum.  First, since Isaac had lied about his wife, he had legal opportunities in the eyes of the people of the land to pursue a new lover.  Only his wife, and God, could have protested.  But Isaac took no such route -- quite the opposite given the flirtation scene.  Respect?  I think so.

Second, ponder the sentence structure.  Subject (Isaac), action verb (showing endearment), direct object (to Rebekah).  Isaac owns the situation: he gives, Rebekah receives...and both "quite obviously" enjoy it.  Other English versions of the Bible retain the same structure.  Obviously, the wife can initiate romance, too, but men hold the primary responsibility.  And if you have ever felt respected by your bride approaching you intimately, you can trust she feels your admiration and devotion (i.e., respect) just as much.

Third, Isaac was focusing on his bride in foreplay, not just thinking of the pot of gold for himself.  Since many women (or so I have read) love the pre-climax of sex at least as much as the climax itself, putting them first is sure to make them feel loved and respected as being more than just your source of pleasure.  I won't confess how much I need to remember this myself!  And again, they had aged two decades since their wedding night.

Proverbs 5 speaks to all three of these lessons -- in the same order.  First, it commands a singular faithfulness to the gifts God has chosen for us:
     Drink water from your own cistern,
     And running water from your own well.
     Should your fountains be dispersed abroad,
     Streams of water in the streets?
     Let them be only your own,
     And not for strangers with you.

Second, it requires the husband to reach out to his wife:
     Let your fountain be blessed,
     And rejoice with the wife of your youth.

Third, Proverbs 5 encourages passionate romance -- centering on the husband -- and implies at the end that chasing other women fails to satisfy:
     As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
     Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
     And always be enraptured with her love.
     For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman,
     And be embraced in the arms of a seductress?

Bottom Line

The above phrase, "be enraptured with her love," is intriguing.  My thesis asks men to exemplify God's call to women in marriage by respecting their wives -- after carrying out His call to men, which is to love their wives as Christ loves the Church.  Yet Proverbs 5 notices the bride's love -- not her biblically-mandated respect -- for her husband.  So if (1) a husband's love conveys (2) respect for his wife, which (3) helps her respect him in return, then (4) he will "be enraptured with her love."  Need I emphasize that "enraptured" is a very strong, very positive verb?  The magical cycle begins with us.

Recall the Christ / Bridegroom - Church / Bride metaphor in Scripture: God, who "first loved us" (1 John 4), tends to our needs before asking anything from us in return.  Husbands get a pretty straightforward job, both inside and outside the bedroom.  But consider: it can be hard, yes?  Then imagine, and try to describe, Jesus' difficulty in leaving heaven and suffering for us.  Empowered by passion for the Father's glory and love, Jesus accomplished the most difficult task in history.  With a similar passion, we can achieve easier goals.

On Husbands: Isaac (Part 2)

So where was I?  Isaac.  40.  Got it.  So Abraham, whose incredible patriarchal story and marriage to Sarah begin in Genesis 12, found his son Isaac a bride.  Rebekah's courage was immediately obvious: departing her family by camel with Abraham's servant to go a great distance to marry someone she had never met.

Walt Disney Beginning

Now many of us men struggle to keep the romance alive years after the dating and honeymoon phase, right?  Well, the last six verses of Genesis 24 show us that God and Isaac are romantics.  First, we see that Isaac is a man's man.  He dwelt in tents in a harsh desert environment and thrived -- like his father and sons.  But his physical strength and success complimented, rather than contradicted, his spiritual and emotional traits.  After a hard day's work, "Isaac went out to meditate in the field in the evening."  If you ever expect to respect your wife, you can forget about succeeding unless you make time for God.

Yet in God's providence (and romance), "he lifted his eyes" just as Rebekah was approaching him for the first time.  And "Rebekah lifted her eyes" just as Isaac was coming to meet her for the first time.  Is this the oldest version of "love at first sight" in literature?  Or maybe Adam and Eve will claim that prize.  Either way, if God can be romantic about marriage 4,000+ years ago -- as well as hours or eons into the future at the "Marriage Supper of the Lamb," see Revelation 19 -- we should be romantic toward our brides today.

Isaac's romance cuts to deeper levels, too: "she became his wife, and he loved her."  See the chronology?  It may be that he loved her immediately, prior to marriage.  But his love did not end after the wedding.  In fact, Isaac's love persisted decades into their marriage, as we shall see.  And I expect it would be hard to love for that long unless respect also saturated the formula.

First Roadblock

Here is an issue we have not bumped into yet, but we shall return to it time and again: If respecting your wife is tough in general, how in the world can you do it in hard times?  Isaac knew the answer, from Philippians 4.  Paul notes: "For I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound.  Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Isaac and Rebekah could not get pregnant.  If you, or anyone you know, has gone through this, their story is perhaps encouraging.  They tried for 20 years to have kids!  Can you imagine the emotional regression from disappointment to despair for 240 months in a row?  I imagine conflict, tears, embarrassment, and appeals to God peppered those two decades for Isaac and Rebekah.  Perhaps they were tempted to repeat Abraham's mistake: impregnate the maid to carry on the family name (see Genesis 16)!

The Bible does not give details.  Yet no matter how hard those days were, Isaac stayed close to God and his wife: "Now Isaac pleaded with the LORD for his wife, because she was barren."  The strong verb "pleaded" indicates a continuous faith -- again, the paramount starting place.  But I think he also respected Rebekah by regularly listening to the desires of her heart.  His tender reply was to cry out to God "for his wife."  He could have asked for himself or his family or his name first.  He could have quit listening to his wife and called her a nag.  He could have walked away into the seductive arms of an easier situation.

Isaac passed all of these tests.  He practiced what the psalmist taught a millennium later: "Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.  Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass." (Psalm 37) And in respect for Isaac's respect for his bride, "the LORD granted his plea, and Rebekah his wife conceived."  In fact, God gave them twins!

On Husbands: Isaac (Part 1)

The Holy Bible begins with the Book of Genesis, which relates some of humanity's most amazing stories and truths.  Yet is a book that starts with Adam and Eve a good place to turn for marriage counsel?  Ponder how two other marriage stories in Genesis begin (heavily paraphrased):

Esau -- Genesis 26

"Yay!  I got married...twice!  Both my brides are from different cultures and religions.  I guess that is why my parents dislike them.  Oh well!"

Jacob -- Genesis 29

"You're telling me I married you and slept with you last night?  But I was supposed to marry your sister!"

Right.  Wisdom just oozes from these not-so-happily-ever-afters!  Well, fear not; Esau and Jacob are not my chosen role models.  They were twin brothers who seemed to have problems from the womb to the tomb.  I instead want to look at their father Isaac and Jacob's son Joseph.  Ponder how their marriage narratives start (heavily paraphrased):

Isaac -- Genesis 24

"Yo Dad!  Now that I'm over the hill [40 years old], would you mind sending your servant to another country to pick out a wife for me?  She could be my birthday present!"

Joseph -- Genesis 39

"Hey Joe!  We [your brothers] hate you.  We are going to sell you into slavery, where you will also end up in prison.  But don't worry: you'll find a wife among the heathen there!"

Hmm...slightly better.  At least Isaac and Joseph were more innocent.  But their circumstances seemed pretty terrible -- and certainly undesirable!  Yet these two men showed their wives a great deal of respect, and truly were exemplary husbands.  Isaac was Joseph's grandfather, so we shall kick off with him.

Isaac was indeed 40 when he got married, according to Genesis 25.  This is worth a moment's attention.  On the one hand, this was less fantastic in early Bible times than it may be today.  Genealogies back in Genesis 5 and 11 indicate that people might have married later by custom in those days.  On the other hand, Issac most likely faced puberty and his first sexual temptation long before his 40th year.  But the Bible -- which routinely conveys the most grievous sins and weaknesses of even its greatest characters, which I believe is a key proof of its veracity and reliability -- implies that Isaac stayed pure until he married Rebekah.  More on purity later.

Intermission

Speaking of Rebekah, let us explore the ten wives in our study for just a moment.  For eight of them (and for seven of the husbands), I can find no negative comments in the Bible.  Of course, they all sinned -- like all of us, see 1 Kings 8 and Romans 3.  In particular, the iniquity of Rebekah and Gomer damaged their marriages.

But overall, these women expressed great courage and faith and so-called "Proverbs 31 Woman" qualities at numerous points in their lives.  I believe God redeemed all ten of them, as well as each of their husbands, and all of their marriages displayed a back-and-forth dance of co-sanctification.  The Bible does not quibble over these women, and their husbands do not grumble against them, so I won't either.  (That was a free tip for you and me, by the way!)

That said, this study aims at encouraging men to do right by their wives.  So when I ignore good points in the wives -- such as Ruth's amazing devotion to Naomi, or Hannah's beautiful prayer, or Mary's astonishing faith and humility -- I'm not anti-women!  Study these stories and ask for God to give you and your wife a greater understanding of His working in their lives.  Read some of the excellent works about these and other famous women of the Bible.  Furthermore, when I skip bad points in the husbands -- like Isaac's lie, David's adultery and murder, and Peter's denial of Christ -- I'm not a male chauvinist!  Examine these stories closely, too, and avoid all of their sins.  I simply want to retain a positive focus on the issues of a man's respect for his woman.

There.  Maybe that will silence a critic or two...and probably spark ten more!

Hmm.  I should offer one more caveat.  I use the New King James Version of the Bible.  As needed, I check other translations, but I cite the NKJV in my blog.  To all the radical non-King James people out there, since I imagine the number of my critics just doubled: I love you in Christ; and if you study this paragraph carefully, you will note that I have not criticized any other versions of the Bible.  And to all the radical King James only people out there, if you study this paragraph carefully, you will note that I respect other versions of the Bible, even though that probably re-doubles the number of my critics yet again.  Ah, the life of a writer!

All right, let's get back to the story...

On Marriage (Part 2)

I guess I should have started with this caveat last time: I've been married to my first and only bride for almost six years.  Not long, it's true.  And if I just lost half of my few readers, I don't blame you.  Still, I think I have something to offer since my first four years of marriage had lots of ups and very far downs, while the last two years have seen remarkable -- miraculous -- improvement.

Oh, perfection is still at least a million light years away.  Issues arise almost daily; and too frequently to admit, they become quite wrong and quite long -- quite fast!  But this, too, has improved a lot in the past two years.  We simply have a lot less of the bad and a lot more of the good.  A four-hour fight in 2009 ends in one hour now.  A two-day good stretch in 2011 lasts a week in 2013.

Much of this depends on our nightly prayers together -- probably six out of seven nights.  It also depends on seeing our own faults more readily than before.  Attitude plays a role, too: recalling that God uses our spouse to help us more than He uses us to help our spouse.  And especially for men (preaching to myself), we are to care for our wives' needs as much and as often God cares for ours.

Credibility?  You decide.  But far beyond my own story or advice, I want to center on ten biblical narratives.  When it comes to leading our brides by example in the area of respect -- which again, I think is the best way to get respect from them, although our top motive should be to glorify God -- the Bible outshines any golden nuggets we might find on our own.

So what marriages are we talking about here?  1) Isaac and Rebekah, in Genesis.  2) Joseph and Asenath, in Genesis.  3) Manoah and his wife, whose name was not recorded, in Judges.  4) Boaz and Ruth, in Ruth.  5) Elkanah and Hannah, in 1 Samuel.  6) David and Abigail, in 1 Samuel.  7) Hosea and Gomer, in Hosea.  8) Joseph and Mary, in Matthew and Luke.  9) Peter and his wife, whose name was not recorded, in Mark and 1 Corinthians.  10) Aquila and Priscilla, in Acts and Romans.

These ten husbands are fabulous role models for any man to follow -- married or not, Christian or not -- and I will dig into each of their lives over the coming several posts.  But first, I want to note two glaring omissions from the list above.  11) Solomon and the Shulamite, in Song of Solomon.  12) Jesus Christ and the Church, throughout the Bible.  If I qualify to write about biblical husbanding, I feel less qualified to examine these two marriages, though they are crucial and marvelous.

Suffice to say, Solomon pursues his bride with intense and intimate passion and admiration, mimicking God's overt and amazing pursuit of us: we love God "because He first loved us," 1 John 4.  Concerning respect, he offers endless compliments to the Shulamite.  As a soldier who loves his commander obeys him with joy and confidence, so a respectful husband conspicuously delights in his wife as well -- both in bed and elsewhere.

As for Jesus, Ephesians 5 says, "Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her...that she should be holy and without blemish.  So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies...No one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church."  Sacrifice, selflessness, loving the unlovely, striving for another's sanctification -- these are part of the game of respect.

Does God actually respect us?  A commander who loves his soldiers respects them by trusting them to obey his orders.  God is our commander, and He not only admires us when we display faith (see Jesus' interaction with the centurion in Matthew 8), He also entrusts His kingdom's work to us (see Matthew 28, for example), He gives us the Holy Spirit (see John 14 and 16), and He even invites us (us!) to "sit with Me on My throne" (see Revelation 3)!

Knowing the glory awaiting those whom God respects -- those who love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength (see Mark 12) -- should enable men to respect our wives more easily.  We have nothing to lose and much to gain!  In the coming posts, I will be learning more about this respect right alongside you.

On Marriage (Part 1)

For most men, the easiest 24 hours of marriage might begin with "I do."  Let's face it: after that, you get cake and, well, the big event!  (I admit that for many people these 24 hours can be hard if things don't quite work; and in grave, horrifyingly-common situations across the globe, weddings are tragic.  Think: forced marriages.  Better yet: pray for them and perhaps find ways to help people out of them!)

But for our purposes, let's take a quasi-Hollywood-style setting where the couple wants to get married, does get married, and has a great wedding night.  (Second detour: Most Hollywood relational rubbish is anti-God, anti-wisdom, and frankly, anti-marriage -- and can walk the plank right here!)

Lots of good writers have addressed phase two of the marriage: post-honeymoon.  Life can get hard; people can change; money problems can arise; lust can surface; envy can invade; bitterness can destroy; in-laws can hurt; sex can change from a problem-solver to a problem-causer; boredom can set in; quirks can irritate; and kids can take over.  And all that can develop alongside health problems, different backgrounds, or conflicting beliefs and interests.  Christian or non-Christian?  Jump on board!

As I said, books are devoted to these topics, and either you and I have read some of them -- or we need to!  Tip 1: Find ones that address core issues, not just quick fixes or surface-level symptoms.  It all comes down to where our own heart is before God and toward our spouse -- both on a daily and long-term basis.  Tip 2: Any advice that contradicts loving your wife selflessly and with a servant's heart is probably forgettable.

I want to focus on one issue for men that I've only just discovered in the Bible.  I am slowly learning about it, and I am even more slowly remembering to put into practice.  We all want our wives to "submit" to us, right?  And we all want a wife who "respects" us, yes?  And none of us like it when our wives remind us that we're supposed to submit "to one another," correct?  (All quotes are from Ephesians 5.)  After all, that might come off as if they're ignoring their job or they think we're ignoring ours, huh?

Well, if respect is a sign of submission -- which I think it is according to Paul's summary in Ephesians 5:33 -- and if we men are supposed to be the leaders of our families (see 1 Timothy 3, for example), then we should exemplify the respect we want and need by first giving it to our wives!

There's the golden nugget...and again, I've got a long way to go...ask my beautiful bride!  But the details, role models, and how-to's will follow in the next several posts.  Keep reading!

Out of the Mouths of Babes... (Part 2)

I wrote last month about fathering.  But I haven't said as much about my son himself.  He smiles, laughs, says hi and waves bye to most people he meets, sees, and hears.  He enjoys life in such an innocent, yet complete way.  People tell us "he's the happiest kid" they've ever seen.  True or not, I don't mind bragging!  He doesn't prejudge people.  He doesn't hold a grudge.  He doesn't resent or despise.  I've never seen him unhappy for more than an hour at a time except for on a few very sick days.  I can be unhappy all day for lots of reasons!

Now, he is less than two years old.  And he is quite healthy and safe overall.  But I've had much longer to get to know God, and to learn about deeper meanings of love and faith and hope.  Sure, I've seen a lot more sin than he has.  I've committed a lot more sin than he has.  (He's not perfect.  He's selfish and throws tantrums, for example.)  And supposedly ignorance is bliss.  But if that's a truism, must it be true?

Anyway, I am trying to learn joy from my precious, wonderful little boy.  When he's with me in traffic, I may be irritated, but he's not.  When there's an idiot driver on the road, I might be upset, but he's not.  When I've got lots to do, I might be flustered, but he's not.  When I'm tired of people, he's not.  When I'm embarrassed, he's not.  When I'm bored, he's not.  And even when things go wrong for him -- when his toys stop working, when his favorite people say good-bye, when he's sick of potty-training, when he gets disciplined -- his cries may be more obvious than mine, but mine last a lot longer.

And here's the kicker: God loves us both so much that He sent His own Son to die for us, even though we've both messed up a lot already, and will mess up a lot more in the future, too!  (I should write about how tough it would be to do what God did, which only accentuates how great He is!)  I must remember that my attitude in life -- good and bad -- will rub off on my son.  I don't need to copy him, or him me.  We both must imitate Jesus, and thus bless and guide each other, and other people, toward Him as well.

Philippians 4:9 says: "The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you."

1 Timothy 4:12 says: "Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity."

Mark 10:14 says: "Let the little children come to Me...for of such is the kingdom of God."

Out of the Mouths of Babes... (Part 1)

They say the person who is blessed the most in serving or ministering to others is the giver, not the recipient.  How often I've seen and experienced that; yet how often do I lazily want to be the receiver!  But sometimes God turns the tables: when you try to lead others toward Christ, they may unwittingly steal the reins right out of your hand and start leading you toward Him.

A month or so ago I gave a teenager a ride home.  I just had read something meaningful earlier that day, and thought I had a 10-minute window to offer a ray of light to this person half my age.  "Have you heard of...?" I began.  "Oh yes!" came the reply.  "I went there for a week and served these people and learned about their needs and had opportunities to pray with them..."  And so on for about three minutes straight.  Suddenly, my third-person information (full of temptations to devolve into a condescending sermon to a youth who "clearly" needed my guidance) jumped to the back burner as I listened to this first-person account.  My audience was the preacher and I the learner.  My audience the motivator, and I the encouraged.

My ideas and thoughts had not been devalued.  My motivation had not been wrong.  I had not been insulted.  God might see fit to use me in this or another teen's life at any moment.  What was key was that I had made an effort, and God saw to the fruit.  Little did I know that I was on the agenda that day, not my protege.

One of Those Days...

So today began better than yesterday...until I felt the sharpest and longest-lasting pain of 2013 shoot through my arm.

I was wide awake, talking with friends, in a good mood, and in good health (besides an obnoxious problem I have been dealing with every day for 18 months -- don't ask!).  I climbed onto the morning bus and sat in the seat behind my friends.  I came down hard against the wall and jammed my elbow squarely into the corner of the window sill.  I don't know how I kept completely silent, but instantly my entire arm surged with pain, with my elbow as the epicenter.

The sensation persisted or increased for a full minute, until I began to feel pain or sickness (can't recall) in my stomach!  Minute 2 plateaued at that pain level, and only at Minute 3 did it start to subside.  I am sure of the times, because I take the three-minute bus ride every day.

All of that was before 7 a.m.  Now it is 2:30 p.m.  I've had ice on my elbow for two hours today, and took a couple of pain killers.  It still hurts.  No blood, no black-and-blue, no bone sticking out, and I can type freely when I keep my arm steady.  But I cannot pick up heavy things with my left hand, or move my arm suddenly.  I can't raise my arm over my head unless I want to reenact Nathaniel Hawthorne's "The Scarlet Letter," and I can't sign my name.  (I am a proud South Paw...and I have a great pick-off move on the pitcher's mound!)

Oh well.  I'm alive.  So is my family.  I won't do my pushups tonight, and I hope it feels better by tomorrow.  But no matter what, God is good.

This was NOT my attitude for much of yesterday morning, even though at that time my elbow was as happy as a crowbar destroying a bus window sill.

Yesterday I woke up later than I had planned, could not get a bad dream out of my head, discovered a small hatch of flying ants in the bathroom, had a high-pressure project at work, fielded more questions than I cared to answer, still couldn't discard the bad dream, and had a janitor from a culture that is not my own berate me for flushing dirty TP down the toilet!

After that, I tried to calm myself down.  Nothing that had happened was really that bad -- even when adding it all up.  I simply had lowered my guard and ignored my Commander's gentle, patient orders.  Some prayers and Bible verses later, things were looking up and I had a splendid date with my beautiful bride last night.

My father-in-law is terribly fond of Psalm 131 -- God calls us humble ourselves, quiet our souls before Him, and trust in His compassion, power, and faithfulness.  I ponder those three short verses now, but yesterday I recalled Deuteronomy 7 and 9, in which God says He does not love or provide for His people because they are mighty or good.  In fact, we are weak and "stiff-necked."  Instead, He loves us because He wants to and because He keeps His promises.  Also, I reflected on Romans 5, which talks about God loving us "while we were still sinners" and "when we were enemies" with God.

My self-imposed burden began to lift.  Fifteen years ago  (Wow!  I really, truly cannot believe it!), I received an award at one of the top summer youth camps in America: K2, at Kanakuk Kamp in southern Missouri.  I won the "I'm Third Award" -- God first, others second, I'm third.  I don't know if I deserved the award back then, and I'd be even more wary of getting it now.  But I can testify that many of my life's best moments have been my "I'm third" moments.  When I live that way, "one of those days" (hard, bitter, selfish, fearful, boring, angry) can quickly metamorphose into "one of those days" (full of life, joy, hope, truth, generosity, and love).

Joshua 24 gives us a simple choice: "Now therefore, fear the Lord, serve Him in sincerity and in truth, and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the River and in Egypt.  Serve the Lord!  And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."  By God's grace and for His glory, I want one of those days!

Fatherhood

I had a conversation with two good friends a couple of weeks ago about being fathers.  Each of us is married and we each have at least one young son.  Actually, I mostly listened, which I often do either when I disagree or am distracted.  The former excuse is shyness or cowardice; the latter is boredom or unintentional, yet still rude, inattention.  Both embarrass me and I'm trying to work on them.  In fact, they add to my not-infrequent feelings of inadequacy (more on that another time, though thankfully God's gracious hand is over it all!) -- but only my closest friends ever seem to notice or comment.

Other times, I stay quiet in obedience to the biblical principles of building unity -- not provoking division -- or evading idle and foolish talk.  The Bible is strong and frequent in its condemnation of our fiery tongues.  For a taste, see Proverbs 16, Matthew 12, and James 3.

In this case of my two friends' discussion, I think my reaction was primarily of the shy, cowardly nature.  This is not to say I think either of them poor fathers.  To the contrary, they are both godly men who love their kids and wife very much.  I've known them since 2010; I respect them; I've studied the scriptures with them; I've prayed with them; I've learned from them; I've laughed with them; and I've eaten lots of chocolate with them!

"Don't you need a break from your kids now and then?"  The mutual, overall response: "Yes," in one form or another.  This exchange may summarize my friends' dialogue poorly or even unfairly, especially since I do not recall those exact words.  But for the sake of brevity and my two-week-old memory, I'll start here -- for had I spoken, my answer would have been "No."

Helping with homework, answering questions, running errands, going to the doctor, changing poopy diapers, feeding, bathing, clothing, putting toys away...and of course you have to PAY for all this!  And then there are spankings, instructing, reading, nursery, church, repairing computers, replacing glasses, babysitters, attitudes, crying, waking up at 3 a.m...and of course you must negotiate all these responsibilities with MOM!  To top it all, there are the dreaded teenage years, fights between siblings, paying for cars and college (admittedly, I am still years away from these), and your children are a bunch of selfish, rebellious sinners...and of course so are YOU!

Fatherhood...now do I need a break?  Nope.

My two friends and I each have an Achilles heel.  One works a lot, the other socializes a lot, I play a lot (see my blogger profile).  There is nothing wrong with any of these activities.  In fact, as Christians, we're called to healthy levels of work, fellowship, and recreation.  Such commitments enable us to provide for others' needs, encourage people to get closer to God, and delight in His majestic creation and blessings.  We also serve our church in various ways.  In short, we three amigos in question get to glorify God through our time and talents.

Do kids get in the way of these goals?  Yes...

Did you notice whose perspective, needs, and inconvenience filled the last two paragraphs?  Mine; ours.  Do our kids have any less perspective, needs, and inconvenience when it comes to relating to their parents?  Are their goals of chasing Daddy and Daddy chasing them, of getting and giving hugs (or handshakes, with all due respect to my British friend!), of asking and being asked questions, of getting good grades, winning sports or music competitions, making new friends, or getting to know Almighty God any less important than our goals?

In one sense, the answer is "yes."  Parents, not kids, are supposed to be the authority.  Parents, not kids, are supposed to run the family.  Parents, not kids, are supposed to initiate, lead, teach, train, say "no," exemplify, provide, and discipline.  Children are supposed to obey, respect, honor, listen, follow, say "yes," submit, and trust their parents.  Moreover, the Bible places more responsibility on fathers than on mothers regarding each of these issues.  See Ephesians 6, Colossians 3, and 1 Timothy 3.

In another sense, the answer is "no."  Here a possible chain of command: (1) parents' primary goals, (2) kids' primary goals, (3) parents' secondary goals, (4) kids' secondary goals.  Especially as fathers, I don't think we should switch 2 and 3.  Granting all assumptions for loving interaction and mutual flexibility...If Dad has work to do on the computer (1) and Johnny needs the computer for homework (2), Dad goes first.  If Dad plans a hike with friends (1) and Johnny schedules a date with his girlfriend (2), Dad gets the car.  If Dad is watching a World Series game and (3) and Johnny wants to start learning his trombone (4), Dad wins.  If Dad takes a nap on the couch (3) and Johnny wants to talk on the phone (4), Dad stays put.

BUT...If Dad sits down with a book and Beethoven (3) and Johnny wants to play catch (2), Dad smiles and asks where his glove went.  If Dad is trying to catch up on e-mail or the news (3) and Johnny asks about the pastor's sermon last Sunday (2), Dad gives a sincere response.  If Dad is stargazing on his telescope (3) and Johnny starts telling him about a troublesome classmate or teacher (2), Dad takes a break.  If Dad is thinking about a weekend ski trip (3) and Johnny says that's when his first basketball game is (2), Dad changes plans.

So in a nutshell, why do I love being a dad?

For starters, it's magical!  Now I am not into magic and I don't care for magic shows.  I certainly am wary of magic gone awry (as through demonic influences or witchcraft for evil purposes).  Perhaps I watched Disney too much growing up, but sometimes "magical" is just the word I need to describe a supremely marvelous or inspirational experience.  Two of my favorite places on Earth are the Crazy Mountains in Montana and Siwa Oasis in Egypt.  (I highly recommend a visit or three!  Oh, and note the bottom of my profile page.)  I simply consider them magical.

When I witness or receive my son's hugs, smiles, smirks, laughs, giggles, games, tricks, petitions, discussions, accomplishments, skills, inspirations, aspirations, development, excitement, eagerness, contentment, patience, obedience, curiosity, delight, respect, kindness, generosity, honor, joy, faith, and love: I simply consider them magical.

But there's more...

Several years ago, John Piper explained in a Father's Day sermon that when families follow a biblical model, kids get a picture of who Jesus is like, since He always points to God the Father.  Then they get to see what the Father's love for Jesus is like, and thus what His love for us is like.  Showing God to our wife and kids in truth and love may be the best thing we can ever do, and it may be what they need the most from us.  Check out Proverbs 4, John 17, and Ephesians 4.

The father's heart is key to all of this.  If I do all the right things while grumbling inside, the kids will notice.  If I do the right thing once a week and my own thing six days a week, the kids will notice.  I cannot be perfect. Rather, I should forgive my own iniquity as quickly and completely as I forgive my kids' (just as God forgives me).  Meanwhile, I can work on being a good dad.  I truly love it.  It's one of the best jobs in the world!

I wanted to finish this post yesterday when I got home from work.  I thought my son might still be sleeping -- before I started my daily three-hour shift with him.  He was not.  I was thrilled to see him!