I guess I should have started with this caveat last time: I've been married to my first and only bride for almost six years. Not long, it's true. And if I just lost half of my few readers, I don't blame you. Still, I think I have something to offer since my first four years of marriage had lots of ups and very far downs, while the last two years have seen remarkable -- miraculous -- improvement.
Oh, perfection is still at least a million light years away. Issues arise almost daily; and too frequently to admit, they become quite wrong and quite long -- quite fast! But this, too, has improved a lot in the past two years. We simply have a lot less of the bad and a lot more of the good. A four-hour fight in 2009 ends in one hour now. A two-day good stretch in 2011 lasts a week in 2013.
Much of this depends on our nightly prayers together -- probably six out of seven nights. It also depends on seeing our own faults more readily than before. Attitude plays a role, too: recalling that God uses our spouse to help us more than He uses us to help our spouse. And especially for men (preaching to myself), we are to care for our wives' needs as much and as often God cares for ours.
Credibility? You decide. But far beyond my own story or advice, I want to center on ten biblical narratives. When it comes to leading our brides by example in the area of respect -- which again, I think is the best way to get respect from them, although our top motive should be to glorify God -- the Bible outshines any golden nuggets we might find on our own.
So what marriages are we talking about here? 1) Isaac and Rebekah, in Genesis. 2) Joseph and Asenath, in Genesis. 3) Manoah and his wife, whose name was not recorded, in Judges. 4) Boaz and Ruth, in Ruth. 5) Elkanah and Hannah, in 1 Samuel. 6) David and Abigail, in 1 Samuel. 7) Hosea and Gomer, in Hosea. 8) Joseph and Mary, in Matthew and Luke. 9) Peter and his wife, whose name was not recorded, in Mark and 1 Corinthians. 10) Aquila and Priscilla, in Acts and Romans.
These ten husbands are fabulous role models for any man to follow -- married or not, Christian or not -- and I will dig into each of their lives over the coming several posts. But first, I want to note two glaring omissions from the list above. 11) Solomon and the Shulamite, in Song of Solomon. 12) Jesus Christ and the Church, throughout the Bible. If I qualify to write about biblical husbanding, I feel less qualified to examine these two marriages, though they are crucial and marvelous.
Suffice to say, Solomon pursues his bride with intense and intimate passion and admiration, mimicking God's overt and amazing pursuit of us: we love God "because He first loved us," 1 John 4. Concerning respect, he offers endless compliments to the Shulamite. As a soldier who loves his commander obeys him with joy and confidence, so a respectful husband conspicuously delights in his wife as well -- both in bed and elsewhere.
As for Jesus, Ephesians 5 says, "Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her...that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies...No one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church." Sacrifice, selflessness, loving the unlovely, striving for another's sanctification -- these are part of the game of respect.
Does God actually respect us? A commander who loves his soldiers respects them by trusting them to obey his orders. God is our commander, and He not only admires us when we display faith (see Jesus' interaction with the centurion in Matthew 8), He also entrusts His kingdom's work to us (see Matthew 28, for example), He gives us the Holy Spirit (see John 14 and 16), and He even invites us (us!) to "sit with Me on My throne" (see Revelation 3)!
Knowing the glory awaiting those whom God respects -- those who love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength (see Mark 12) -- should enable men to respect our wives more easily. We have nothing to lose and much to gain! In the coming posts, I will be learning more about this respect right alongside you.
Oh, perfection is still at least a million light years away. Issues arise almost daily; and too frequently to admit, they become quite wrong and quite long -- quite fast! But this, too, has improved a lot in the past two years. We simply have a lot less of the bad and a lot more of the good. A four-hour fight in 2009 ends in one hour now. A two-day good stretch in 2011 lasts a week in 2013.
Much of this depends on our nightly prayers together -- probably six out of seven nights. It also depends on seeing our own faults more readily than before. Attitude plays a role, too: recalling that God uses our spouse to help us more than He uses us to help our spouse. And especially for men (preaching to myself), we are to care for our wives' needs as much and as often God cares for ours.
Credibility? You decide. But far beyond my own story or advice, I want to center on ten biblical narratives. When it comes to leading our brides by example in the area of respect -- which again, I think is the best way to get respect from them, although our top motive should be to glorify God -- the Bible outshines any golden nuggets we might find on our own.
So what marriages are we talking about here? 1) Isaac and Rebekah, in Genesis. 2) Joseph and Asenath, in Genesis. 3) Manoah and his wife, whose name was not recorded, in Judges. 4) Boaz and Ruth, in Ruth. 5) Elkanah and Hannah, in 1 Samuel. 6) David and Abigail, in 1 Samuel. 7) Hosea and Gomer, in Hosea. 8) Joseph and Mary, in Matthew and Luke. 9) Peter and his wife, whose name was not recorded, in Mark and 1 Corinthians. 10) Aquila and Priscilla, in Acts and Romans.
These ten husbands are fabulous role models for any man to follow -- married or not, Christian or not -- and I will dig into each of their lives over the coming several posts. But first, I want to note two glaring omissions from the list above. 11) Solomon and the Shulamite, in Song of Solomon. 12) Jesus Christ and the Church, throughout the Bible. If I qualify to write about biblical husbanding, I feel less qualified to examine these two marriages, though they are crucial and marvelous.
Suffice to say, Solomon pursues his bride with intense and intimate passion and admiration, mimicking God's overt and amazing pursuit of us: we love God "because He first loved us," 1 John 4. Concerning respect, he offers endless compliments to the Shulamite. As a soldier who loves his commander obeys him with joy and confidence, so a respectful husband conspicuously delights in his wife as well -- both in bed and elsewhere.
As for Jesus, Ephesians 5 says, "Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her...that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies...No one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church." Sacrifice, selflessness, loving the unlovely, striving for another's sanctification -- these are part of the game of respect.
Does God actually respect us? A commander who loves his soldiers respects them by trusting them to obey his orders. God is our commander, and He not only admires us when we display faith (see Jesus' interaction with the centurion in Matthew 8), He also entrusts His kingdom's work to us (see Matthew 28, for example), He gives us the Holy Spirit (see John 14 and 16), and He even invites us (us!) to "sit with Me on My throne" (see Revelation 3)!
Knowing the glory awaiting those whom God respects -- those who love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength (see Mark 12) -- should enable men to respect our wives more easily. We have nothing to lose and much to gain! In the coming posts, I will be learning more about this respect right alongside you.
Great posts Nik! We also pray often before going to bed and it's amazing how that binds us emotionally and spiritually. The comparison of marriage to Christ's and the church still amazes me. I've learned so much about the character of God and His love for me through witnessing Jason's unconditional love, tenderness and patience with me when I don't deserve it. Amazing comparison...amazing God!
ReplyDeleteHmm...I thought I replied to this a month or two ago. Anyway, thanks a lot, dear friends, for your faithful reading, prayers, and friendship. I hope you're enjoying this warm weather these days! :)
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