One of Those Days...

So today began better than yesterday...until I felt the sharpest and longest-lasting pain of 2013 shoot through my arm.

I was wide awake, talking with friends, in a good mood, and in good health (besides an obnoxious problem I have been dealing with every day for 18 months -- don't ask!).  I climbed onto the morning bus and sat in the seat behind my friends.  I came down hard against the wall and jammed my elbow squarely into the corner of the window sill.  I don't know how I kept completely silent, but instantly my entire arm surged with pain, with my elbow as the epicenter.

The sensation persisted or increased for a full minute, until I began to feel pain or sickness (can't recall) in my stomach!  Minute 2 plateaued at that pain level, and only at Minute 3 did it start to subside.  I am sure of the times, because I take the three-minute bus ride every day.

All of that was before 7 a.m.  Now it is 2:30 p.m.  I've had ice on my elbow for two hours today, and took a couple of pain killers.  It still hurts.  No blood, no black-and-blue, no bone sticking out, and I can type freely when I keep my arm steady.  But I cannot pick up heavy things with my left hand, or move my arm suddenly.  I can't raise my arm over my head unless I want to reenact Nathaniel Hawthorne's "The Scarlet Letter," and I can't sign my name.  (I am a proud South Paw...and I have a great pick-off move on the pitcher's mound!)

Oh well.  I'm alive.  So is my family.  I won't do my pushups tonight, and I hope it feels better by tomorrow.  But no matter what, God is good.

This was NOT my attitude for much of yesterday morning, even though at that time my elbow was as happy as a crowbar destroying a bus window sill.

Yesterday I woke up later than I had planned, could not get a bad dream out of my head, discovered a small hatch of flying ants in the bathroom, had a high-pressure project at work, fielded more questions than I cared to answer, still couldn't discard the bad dream, and had a janitor from a culture that is not my own berate me for flushing dirty TP down the toilet!

After that, I tried to calm myself down.  Nothing that had happened was really that bad -- even when adding it all up.  I simply had lowered my guard and ignored my Commander's gentle, patient orders.  Some prayers and Bible verses later, things were looking up and I had a splendid date with my beautiful bride last night.

My father-in-law is terribly fond of Psalm 131 -- God calls us humble ourselves, quiet our souls before Him, and trust in His compassion, power, and faithfulness.  I ponder those three short verses now, but yesterday I recalled Deuteronomy 7 and 9, in which God says He does not love or provide for His people because they are mighty or good.  In fact, we are weak and "stiff-necked."  Instead, He loves us because He wants to and because He keeps His promises.  Also, I reflected on Romans 5, which talks about God loving us "while we were still sinners" and "when we were enemies" with God.

My self-imposed burden began to lift.  Fifteen years ago  (Wow!  I really, truly cannot believe it!), I received an award at one of the top summer youth camps in America: K2, at Kanakuk Kamp in southern Missouri.  I won the "I'm Third Award" -- God first, others second, I'm third.  I don't know if I deserved the award back then, and I'd be even more wary of getting it now.  But I can testify that many of my life's best moments have been my "I'm third" moments.  When I live that way, "one of those days" (hard, bitter, selfish, fearful, boring, angry) can quickly metamorphose into "one of those days" (full of life, joy, hope, truth, generosity, and love).

Joshua 24 gives us a simple choice: "Now therefore, fear the Lord, serve Him in sincerity and in truth, and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the River and in Egypt.  Serve the Lord!  And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."  By God's grace and for His glory, I want one of those days!

Fatherhood

I had a conversation with two good friends a couple of weeks ago about being fathers.  Each of us is married and we each have at least one young son.  Actually, I mostly listened, which I often do either when I disagree or am distracted.  The former excuse is shyness or cowardice; the latter is boredom or unintentional, yet still rude, inattention.  Both embarrass me and I'm trying to work on them.  In fact, they add to my not-infrequent feelings of inadequacy (more on that another time, though thankfully God's gracious hand is over it all!) -- but only my closest friends ever seem to notice or comment.

Other times, I stay quiet in obedience to the biblical principles of building unity -- not provoking division -- or evading idle and foolish talk.  The Bible is strong and frequent in its condemnation of our fiery tongues.  For a taste, see Proverbs 16, Matthew 12, and James 3.

In this case of my two friends' discussion, I think my reaction was primarily of the shy, cowardly nature.  This is not to say I think either of them poor fathers.  To the contrary, they are both godly men who love their kids and wife very much.  I've known them since 2010; I respect them; I've studied the scriptures with them; I've prayed with them; I've learned from them; I've laughed with them; and I've eaten lots of chocolate with them!

"Don't you need a break from your kids now and then?"  The mutual, overall response: "Yes," in one form or another.  This exchange may summarize my friends' dialogue poorly or even unfairly, especially since I do not recall those exact words.  But for the sake of brevity and my two-week-old memory, I'll start here -- for had I spoken, my answer would have been "No."

Helping with homework, answering questions, running errands, going to the doctor, changing poopy diapers, feeding, bathing, clothing, putting toys away...and of course you have to PAY for all this!  And then there are spankings, instructing, reading, nursery, church, repairing computers, replacing glasses, babysitters, attitudes, crying, waking up at 3 a.m...and of course you must negotiate all these responsibilities with MOM!  To top it all, there are the dreaded teenage years, fights between siblings, paying for cars and college (admittedly, I am still years away from these), and your children are a bunch of selfish, rebellious sinners...and of course so are YOU!

Fatherhood...now do I need a break?  Nope.

My two friends and I each have an Achilles heel.  One works a lot, the other socializes a lot, I play a lot (see my blogger profile).  There is nothing wrong with any of these activities.  In fact, as Christians, we're called to healthy levels of work, fellowship, and recreation.  Such commitments enable us to provide for others' needs, encourage people to get closer to God, and delight in His majestic creation and blessings.  We also serve our church in various ways.  In short, we three amigos in question get to glorify God through our time and talents.

Do kids get in the way of these goals?  Yes...

Did you notice whose perspective, needs, and inconvenience filled the last two paragraphs?  Mine; ours.  Do our kids have any less perspective, needs, and inconvenience when it comes to relating to their parents?  Are their goals of chasing Daddy and Daddy chasing them, of getting and giving hugs (or handshakes, with all due respect to my British friend!), of asking and being asked questions, of getting good grades, winning sports or music competitions, making new friends, or getting to know Almighty God any less important than our goals?

In one sense, the answer is "yes."  Parents, not kids, are supposed to be the authority.  Parents, not kids, are supposed to run the family.  Parents, not kids, are supposed to initiate, lead, teach, train, say "no," exemplify, provide, and discipline.  Children are supposed to obey, respect, honor, listen, follow, say "yes," submit, and trust their parents.  Moreover, the Bible places more responsibility on fathers than on mothers regarding each of these issues.  See Ephesians 6, Colossians 3, and 1 Timothy 3.

In another sense, the answer is "no."  Here a possible chain of command: (1) parents' primary goals, (2) kids' primary goals, (3) parents' secondary goals, (4) kids' secondary goals.  Especially as fathers, I don't think we should switch 2 and 3.  Granting all assumptions for loving interaction and mutual flexibility...If Dad has work to do on the computer (1) and Johnny needs the computer for homework (2), Dad goes first.  If Dad plans a hike with friends (1) and Johnny schedules a date with his girlfriend (2), Dad gets the car.  If Dad is watching a World Series game and (3) and Johnny wants to start learning his trombone (4), Dad wins.  If Dad takes a nap on the couch (3) and Johnny wants to talk on the phone (4), Dad stays put.

BUT...If Dad sits down with a book and Beethoven (3) and Johnny wants to play catch (2), Dad smiles and asks where his glove went.  If Dad is trying to catch up on e-mail or the news (3) and Johnny asks about the pastor's sermon last Sunday (2), Dad gives a sincere response.  If Dad is stargazing on his telescope (3) and Johnny starts telling him about a troublesome classmate or teacher (2), Dad takes a break.  If Dad is thinking about a weekend ski trip (3) and Johnny says that's when his first basketball game is (2), Dad changes plans.

So in a nutshell, why do I love being a dad?

For starters, it's magical!  Now I am not into magic and I don't care for magic shows.  I certainly am wary of magic gone awry (as through demonic influences or witchcraft for evil purposes).  Perhaps I watched Disney too much growing up, but sometimes "magical" is just the word I need to describe a supremely marvelous or inspirational experience.  Two of my favorite places on Earth are the Crazy Mountains in Montana and Siwa Oasis in Egypt.  (I highly recommend a visit or three!  Oh, and note the bottom of my profile page.)  I simply consider them magical.

When I witness or receive my son's hugs, smiles, smirks, laughs, giggles, games, tricks, petitions, discussions, accomplishments, skills, inspirations, aspirations, development, excitement, eagerness, contentment, patience, obedience, curiosity, delight, respect, kindness, generosity, honor, joy, faith, and love: I simply consider them magical.

But there's more...

Several years ago, John Piper explained in a Father's Day sermon that when families follow a biblical model, kids get a picture of who Jesus is like, since He always points to God the Father.  Then they get to see what the Father's love for Jesus is like, and thus what His love for us is like.  Showing God to our wife and kids in truth and love may be the best thing we can ever do, and it may be what they need the most from us.  Check out Proverbs 4, John 17, and Ephesians 4.

The father's heart is key to all of this.  If I do all the right things while grumbling inside, the kids will notice.  If I do the right thing once a week and my own thing six days a week, the kids will notice.  I cannot be perfect. Rather, I should forgive my own iniquity as quickly and completely as I forgive my kids' (just as God forgives me).  Meanwhile, I can work on being a good dad.  I truly love it.  It's one of the best jobs in the world!

I wanted to finish this post yesterday when I got home from work.  I thought my son might still be sleeping -- before I started my daily three-hour shift with him.  He was not.  I was thrilled to see him!

God Bless America

I have lived 4.5 years in the Middle East.  Life here is wonderful in so many ways.  So many ancient places and cultures.  So much great food.  So many people: Christians and Muslims from a dozen Arab countries, Westerners and Easterners from around the globe, have all afforded me an opportunity to get to know God, mankind, my country, my family, and myself a bit more.  It's great to have places to stay on every continent!

But each of the three 9/11 anniversaries I've experienced here is hard.  I've heard nice comments, less-than-nice comments, and no comments at all.  Yet part of me wants to hear nothing from anyone unless it honors the memory of my countrymen who died that terrible day.  Or a comment that honors my nation -- its many flaws and sins notwithstanding.  Or a comment about my God.  Or a comment about my family.  I care little whether it's a British atheist, an Egyptian soldier, a Lebanese journalist, a conservative Arabian Sunni, or an evangelical from South Africa.  I want politics and criticism of the place and people and faith which God lets me call "mine" (though all are His) to be off the menu for just one day.

But...I don't always get my wish.  And you know, that's okay.  God never created mankind to get our wish!  He made us to follow Him faithfully.  I'm reminded of Alfred Lord Tennyson famous poem:

"Forward, the Light Brigade!

"Charge for the guns," he said:

Into the valley of Death

   Rode the six hundred.

With that in mind, I want to offer my own constructive criticism (now that it is 9/12) -- which doubles as a prayer and a hope for all the people in America, and for those who love God and / or freedom anywhere in the world.  Yet it is not mine, but wisdom that comes from great Americans of old.  Perhaps the first verses of these songs are the most famous.  But it's verses two and three of "America, the Beautiful" (1), verse four of "My Country, 'Tis of Thee" (2), and verse four of "The Star-Spangled Banner" (3) that illuminate the true path to "liberty and justice for all."

1 - by Katharine Lee Bates

America! America!

God mend thine ev'ry flaw,

Confirm thy soul in self-control,

Thy liberty in law.

America! America!

May God thy gold refine

Till all success be nobleness,

And ev'ry gain divine.

2 - by Samuel Francis Smith

Our fathers' God to Thee,

Author of liberty,

To Thee we sing.

Long may our land be bright,

With freedom's holy light,

Protect us by Thy might,

Great God our King.

3 - by Francis Scott Key

O thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand

Between their loved home and the war's desolation.

Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the Heav'n rescued land

Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!

Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,

And this be our motto: "In God is our trust."

And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave

O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!